Working for Lonely Megaverse Publications
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Hello and welcome to Lonely Megaverse Publications. All of us here at LMP know how daunting your first day at a new job can be. This pre-recorded audio orientation will help you to get up to speed just as fast as a demonnrunner chasing dinner. You don’t know what a demonrunner is? Just check out Lonely Megaverse Issue 453.
You may notice that your office space is small, cramped, anti-spacious, and sparse. Please don’t feel any need to spend too much time there. You will, of course, need your datapad, along with your camera, but otherwise, the desk is just there for tax purposes. Get out of the office and make the Megaverse a little less lonely!
Since it’s your first day, nobody will give you too much of a hard time if you eat lunch at the cafeteria, but seriously, we write guidebooks with whole chapters about the food in exotic locales. Go find some new chapters. In fact, the boss loves it if you can find new things for publication on your own. LMP will from time to time and all the time give you particular assignments but, in your downtime, you are encouraged to seek out your own publishable adventures and even take side gigs reporting for major news outlets. Just don’t go selling your stories to competing travel magazines like Rift Surfing, Warm Powers, or Hospitilarality.
You will need to get an expense account with Ms. Pennywise before you can spend any company dough. Oh, and keep track of what she says you’ve got. She takes any extra out of your paycheck, and it’s not pretty to see a reporter come home from an intergalactic binger, broke, and in the hole. Ah, buck up! You look like the responsible type.
On your desk is a black briefcase containing your datapad, your camera, a voice recorder, an energy pistol, a pen-pistol and a vibro-knife. You may feel silly packing so much firepower, but we’ve lost several good reporters to unexpected encounters. When you don’t come back because something ate you, it generally takes us a few attempts and a few extra lost reporters before we find out for sure that reporters are being killed, and not just enjoying themselves on some secret sunny island.
Ah, yes, the boss. How right of you to ask. He’s just about the must humdinger awesome man of the year award winning humanitarian anyone could ever hope to work for. Here’s DOCTOR… THADDEUS… HUME!!!!!!
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